Immediately, there are two words come to mind: guilt and anger
I feel an incredible amount of guilt over what I've done to my children. I put all of my faith into their pediatricians and vaccinated my two boys. Their lives are so much more difficult because of my actions. I try to stay strong, but at times I find myself sobbing uncontrollably. The dentist's office was my most recent incident. I just happened to pick up a magazine that Jenny McCarthy was featured in. Of course, the article did state that she blamed vaccines for her son's Autism. I started crying and couldn't stop.
I feel an incredible amount of anger over the whole vaccine debate too. Tens of thousands of parents across this country are claiming that their normally developing child changed after a round of vaccines. What is truly disgusting is that the medical community not only doesn't believe them, but they want to see every American - young and old force-vaccinated. Sorry, but it is not happening on my watch.
Then, there is my youngest child's baby book. I haven't picked it up in months. I don't have the heart to. How am I supposed to fill out all of these joyful milestone occasions when he is severely delayed in all areas? My 23 month old son cannot climb stairs, jump or even say more than 2 words because of me! I do love my children with all of my heart and I am proud of who they are, but I blame many medical and government organizations for robbing me of these special moments. I also don't know what their future holds for them either. My children were involved in a scientific experiment that I didn't legally consent to. I didn't legally consent to it because the risks were never clearly outlined and the benefits were a false assumption made by their doctors based on lies told by our government organizations.
Every day I try to take the opportunity to educate others. I've become more bold in my approach too. Practice brings confidence. I practice in the dentist's office, the doctor's office, the grocery store, and anywhere else that I see an opportunity.
I really don't care that I've lost friends over the debate. I simply cannot sit there with a closed mouth as they so blindly poison their children, themselves, and their pets. I could only hope that someone would do the same for me.
Just remember this - a true friend never tells you only what you want to hear.